Spring break has been pretty damn wild this year, with college students seemingly doing dumber sh*t than ever. And while we don’t approve of anything that would cause serious bodily harm, we do need to take a moment to just stand in awe of these nine drunk moments from #springbreak2018 that — we promise — will make you cringe, gasp, and generally question humanity’s place in the cosmos.
9. The Bro Butt Luge
Starting off this house of spring break horrors is this basic bro butt luge. We think it’s especially gross ’cause that dude’s swim trunks are wet and dry in all the wrong ways, and that girl doesn’t seem to mind putting her mouth on them like a suckerfish.
8. Drunk Oklahoma Drills (Girls)
The Oklahoma Drill, a test for football players’ close-quarters tackling abilities, is apparently a thing drunk spring breakers do now. WE DO NOT APPROVE! We only want you to know where all the kids’ brain cells are going so you don’t have to wonder.
— Average Guy Joe (@average_guy_joe) March 17, 2018
7. Drunk Oklahoma Drills (Guys)
This drunken insanity is even worse when guys do it ’cause (presumably) even more serious damage can be done. Seriously, the dude who got knocked down here is going to have to check a calendar to know what year it is.
6. Crazy Old Dude Grinding
Seriously, how old is this guy? Would anybody allow this if they weren’t crazy drunk? How did Father Time even make it into this venue? SO MANY QUESTIONS.
5. Mankini Luge Numero Uno
The butt luge is one thing; the butt luge with a dude wearing a mankini… that’s like… some sh*t that should’ve been outlawed by the Geneva Convention.
4. Woman Dance-Shaves Her Head
You get drunk, you get on stage, and you do crazy stuff. We’ve all been there, even if most of us kept our hair afterward unlike this lady.
3. The Hexagonal Cheek Luge
The six cheek luge, people! Do the math: It’s three times the fun and three times the chance of getting pink eye and a throat infection.
We have no idea why, but this guy on stage threw a perfectly good cake at this woman’s face. We can only assume 92% of people in this picture are intoxicated, which is reason enough though, right?
How’s spring break?? pic.twitter.com/qPvsNUqPQZ
— ᴮᴬˢᵀᴵᴬᴺ (@sszpak18) March 14, 2018
1. Mankini Luge Numero Dos (Crimes Against Humanity)
Yep, we already had a mankini luge on this list. But this one… this one will stick with you like whatever disease this woman just got from sticking her head holes between a pair of hairy man hams.
What do you think about these — literally — crazy-ass videos, people?! Describe how you’re feeling on a scale from one to 100 barf emojis in the comments!